It's total bull****, but it was fun to make:
Arizona Cardinals: Not only does Rosen play, but he crushes it. Ends up the finest of the rookie QBs who start this year.
Atlanta Falcons: OC Sarkessian continues to f--- everything up, Falcons finish with unimpressive stats costing Sark his job.
Baltimore Ravens: Baltimore's passing game regains public respect, Crabtree finishes with 1,200 yards and 8 TDs.
Buffalo Bills: The Bills play competent football. Allen starts and looks horrible but the rest of the team covers up for it.
Carolina Panthers: Cam's ego dashes any hope of offensive cohesion, Panthers take last in the NFC South.
Chicago Bears: Nagy turns Chicago around, placing second in the NFC North and wins a wildcard game before getting stuffed by the Saints in the Divisional round.
Cincinnati Bengals: Who're they again? Bengals remain a team in the NFL but Marvin Lewis is canned.
Cleveland Browns: The Browns make it into the post-season via a wildcard slot.
Dallas Cowboys: Leighton Vander-Esch wins DROY after brutalizing opposing RBs all season. Garrett's mis-coaching leads to another missed post-season.
Denver Broncos: Vance Joseph is fired half-way through the season, Broncos fail to make the play-offs despite solid play from Keenum.
Detroit Lions: Year one for Patricia is a brutal one, finishing 8-8. Golden Tate leaves the team by the end of the year.
Green Bay Packers: Finishes last in the NFC North, McCarthy spends the off-season in the hottest of seats.
Houston Texans: Watson cannot stay healthy, Texans take last in the AFC South. Hopkins requests trade, holds out prior to start of 2019 season.
Indianapolis Colts: Andrew Luck finishes in the Top 10 at his position, the Colts edge the Jaguars out of the play-offs at the wire.
Jacksonville Jaguars: Fournette misses at least 5 games, Jaguars miss the play-offs despite another stellar showing on defense.
Kansas City Chiefs: Andy Reid reformats his offense around Mahomes successfully but loses out to the Chargers for #1 in the AFC West.
Miami Dolphins: Finishes the season at the second-worst team in the NFL, drafts a new QB second overall.
Minnesota Vikings: Kirk Cousins earns the Superbowl MVP and establishes himself as a truly elite QB.
New England Patriots: Burkhead ends up hurt leading to Sony Michel taking the spotlight winning the OROY award. Belichick leaves NE after the season ends.
New Orleans Saints: Saints' running game collapses leading to a return of gun-slinging Drew Brees who puts up 4,000 yards through the air.
New York Giants: Despite the note-worthy additions on offense, the Giants battle fiercely with the 'skins for last place in the NFC East. Drafts a QB 6th overall.
New York Jets: Darnold busts spectacularly, Jets remain in the basement but still manage to beat the Patriots once.
Oakland Raiders: Gruden experiment fails catastrophically, Raiders take dead last leading to Carr's replacement being drafted first overall.
Philadelphia Eagles: Nearly repeats thanks to Pederson's genius coaching but loses to the Vikings in the NFC Conference championships. Wentz regresses.
Pittsburgh Steelers: Steelers narrowly lose the Superbowl to the Vikings in a shootout. 42 - 38.
San Diego Chargers: Chargers sign Dez Bryant to line up next to Keenan Allen, make it to the Division round but lose it to the Titans.
San Francisco 49ers: Niners make the play-offs, but are eliminated in the wildcard round, both JimmyG and McKinnon finish in the Top 12 of their positions.
Seattle Seahawks: Seahawks finish the year with a 5-11 record. Wilson ends up on IR for the second half of the season.
St. Louis Rams: The Great Show on Turf 2.0 fizzles out, Rams eliminated in the Divisional round. Suh leaves the Rams after one season.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers: The Buccaneers turn their season around after Winston's 3-game suspension, take 3rd in the NFC South.
Tennessee Titans: The Titans win their division thanks to their newly minted elite defense. Vrabel wins Coach of the year.
Washington Redskins: Alex Smith is miserable in Washington, Guice ends up the worst bust of the rookie RBs. Redskins prove to be nearly impossible to watch. Again.