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Rotoworld Funny Baseball Blurbs

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Was on another forum and saw they compiled a list of some of the more humorous blurbs that are written by rotoworld.

Thought it would be fun to keep an ongoing thread as we see them written..

Here are some to get us started..

Bobby Abreu went 3-for-5 with a two-run homer and four RBI in the Yankees' victory on Monday night.

Abreu's first homer of the year came on a Sidney Ponson curveball, but it will probably count in the official stats anyway.

Nomar Garciaparra left the Dodgers Tuesday after his wife, Mia Hamm, went into labor.

Hamm gave birth to twin girls in Los Angeles while Garciaparra was still on the way home. Expect Garciaparra to lose about five homers and 15 RBI this year due to a lack of sleep.

Giants purchased the contract of RHP Tim Lincecum from Triple-A Fresno.

Lincecum versus Cole Hamels, and it's just an hour away. Not even Joe Morgan can ruin this one for us.

and one of the funniest ones of all time...

Jack Cust hit a three-run homer off Fernando Cabrera with two outs in the bottom of the ninth to give the A's a 10-7 win over the Indians on Sunday.

Barry Bonds, David Ortiz, Vladimir Guerrero... There are some major league hitters you just can't let beat you in the late innings of a close game. Chief among them all, however, is almost certainly Jack Cust. Cust would have gotten his chance years ago, but every GM in baseball knew that to use him was to risk shaking the very foundation of the game. That Cust has had to wait until 28 for regular playing time will probably prevent him from reaching 1,000 career homers, which is a shame. Still, 500 is very much in reach, perhaps by the end of the season.

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here's another one...

Jose Lopez was held out of Sunday's game because of a bruised right ankle.

If Lopez can't play Monday, Willie Bloomquist will make three or four more outs.

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one more...

Free agent Toby Hall isn't interested in returning to the Devil Rays on a minor league contract.

"That was funny," Hall said. "I guess it would be a minor league contract because they're a minor league team." Way to burn those bridges, Toby. The club gave you more than 2,000 at-bats even though you never once managed a 700 OPS. Your OBP for the club was under .300, and you never came close to matching the 19 homers you hit at Triple-A Durham in 2001. If the Rays weren't much more than a minor league team during your tenure, well, it's in part because you weren't much more than a minor league player.

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and one of the funniest ones of all time...

Jack Cust hit a three-run homer off Fernando Cabrera with two outs in the bottom of the ninth to give the A's a 10-7 win over the Indians on Sunday.

Barry Bonds, David Ortiz, Vladimir Guerrero... There are some major league hitters you just can't let beat you in the late innings of a close game. Chief among them all, however, is almost certainly Jack Cust. Cust would have gotten his chance years ago, but every GM in baseball knew that to use him was to risk shaking the very foundation of the game. That Cust has had to wait until 28 for regular playing time will probably prevent him from reaching 1,000 career homers, which is a shame. Still, 500 is very much in reach, perhaps by the end of the season.

They stole the Jack Cust one from an A's blog. He has a cult fan base that draws comparisons to legendary Jack Bauer-esque stories.

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It was from a while back so I dont remember it word for word, but it was something like:

Eric Milton will miss 3-4 weeks due to a left shoulder injury

Bad news for NL hitters for about the next month

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It was from a while back so I dont remember it word for word, but it was something like:

Eric Milton will miss 3-4 weeks due to a left shoulder injury

Bad news for NL hitters for about the next month

lol

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It was from a while back so I dont remember it word for word, but it was something like:

Eric Milton will miss 3-4 weeks due to a left shoulder injury

Bad news for NL hitters for about the next month

Hillarious!!!

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I saved this one from a long time ago because I thought it was really funny! This was from the old Rotoworld website.

Sorry if this is not baseball related. It is still HI-LARIOUS.

funny2vi.jpg

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Not really a blurb, per se... but I was at a Royal's game a while back when they were playing Detroit. Cecil Fielder was the 1st baseman and between innings, someone gets up and yells out, "Hey Cecil, I am going to the concession stand. You want anything?" It was one of those smallish KC crowds so it was heard by the entire section. Both Cecil and the Royal's 1st base coach turned and laughed.

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Not really a blurb, per se... but I was at a Royal's game a while back when they were playing Detroit. Cecil Fielder was the 1st baseman and between innings, someone gets up and yells out, "Hey Cecil, I am going to the concession stand. You want anything?" It was one of those smallish KC crowds so it was heard by the entire section. Both Cecil and the Royal's 1st base coach turned and laughed.

Here is one:

Taco Wallace had 22 yards on 2 catches Sunday in Week 2 at San Francisco

His parents were stoned when they named him.

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Here's my favorite. Sorry, its football news but still damn funny.

David Terrell was arrested Tuesday night for several traffic violations.

This could be his last season as a Bear. The allegations included reckless driving and operating a vehicle without insurance and with a suspended liscense. Terrell also reportedly dropped the traffic tickets when handed to him.

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Another one to add to the list:

John McDonald had two runs, a double and a rare home run on Wednesday in a losing cause.

He also managed to get into it with A-Rod, who riled the entire Toronto team by seemingly calling for a fly ball as he was running the bases. Dingers by McDonald aren't exactly Haley's Comet rare, but with just eight in a career that started in 1999, you better TiVo them when you can. He also walked while raising his BA to .279 and his blood pressure to 130 over 95 after A-Rod's antics.

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pretty funny stuff..

ive been thinking of keeping a list of some of the predictions that "experts" employed by this site and others like yahoo say, just to see how ridiculous many of them are at the end of the year..

i thought of that when i read one expert a week or so ago say that with his batting eye, jack cust could hit .280 with 30 homers this season....

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Here's a funny from Aaron Gleeman's Daily Dose...

As of Thursday morning the team seemed unsure about how long Guillen would be out, but it seems likely that he'll miss at least some time. All of which means that the Tigers will be trying to close the 2.5-game gap on the Indians with both Omar Infante and Neifi Perez in the starting lineup, which is not totally unlike trying to catch up to someone who's a couple laps ahead of you in a race while wearing cement shoes.

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Whichever Rotoworld contributor to the Nationals Players news feed wrote this is awesome. It's gotta be one of the funniest items I've ever read on the Players News:

Cristian Guzman had three hits -- including a solo homer that put the game away late -- as Washington dumped Cleveland Friday 4-1.

Clearly, Guzman was abducted by aliens and swapped with someone else this season. Arguably the worst hitter in the majors in 2005, Guzman is batting almost 120 points above the .219 mark he managed in 2005. He has scored 31 times in 41 games this year -- almost as many runs as he scored in a full season in 2005.

In any event, and although I know better, I made a small trade for Guzman in my deep league and he hasn't dissappointed. He had laser eye surgery that might be helping, or it could be the Alien thing. This move probably wasn't as bad as my Neifi Perez signing in 2005 - lol.

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haha, that is hilarious. I was laughing when the Nats let him hit 2nd earlier in the year. He has been really good for them but, come on, Cristian Guzman. My friend and I always joke about how bad he is.

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i think the funniest player news was about a week or two into the season when Pujols was battin .130 or something bad they wrote "Maybe its time for the Cardinals to start thinking about making Scott Spezio the starting first baseman"

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i think the funniest player news was about a week or two into the season when Pujols was battin .130 or something bad they wrote "Maybe its time for the Cardinals to start thinking about making Scott Spezio the starting first baseman"

Hey! Don't knock Red Beard. He, Yady, and Weaver were intrigal parts of last years playoff team. B)

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noooooo no no there is always a hilarious one every now and then. Last year though was my absolute favorite because it was like 1230am and the Yankees had just finished a game out west and i'm guessing someone hacked into the rotoworld website because this was the first thing that popped up.

Derek Jeter-ss-12:30am

Derek Jeter is gay.

it was so funny because of all the things you dont expect to see...that would clearly be up at the top.

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I remember a Rotoworld blurb from last year I think. I can't remember when exactly. But Chone was out of the game for some unknown reason, and Rotoworld believed that Bartolo must have eaten him.

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Scott Proctor will miss the next two games after his wife gave birth.

This qualifies as his longest break since the offseason.

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The Paul Byrd one was funny last night after he hit Gerald Laird.

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Having just read the report on Iguchi I had to resurrect this thread...

Tadahito Iguchi's agent said Thursday that his client turned down several multi-year contract offers to sign with the Padres for one year and $4 million.

Iguchi is said to have had a two-year offer to play second base for the Rockies and a three-year offer to play third base for the Phillies. Instead, he takes a one-year deal to play in the majors' most extreme pitcher's ballpark. Like Ron Burgundy, he must think that San Diego is a very classy place.

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